Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear brother in Islam
Am married for the past two years now. Dis was a love cum arranged marriage. Never knew that my husband was a womaniser. Though he married me but never feels d need to take responsibilities. He has a good nature, also cooks and cleans for me. but ever since we hav been married he keeps on scaring me dat he will leave me for good and i go in deep depression. but now i am used to dis.. he never left me as yet.. but last night he said something so bad dat i fear whether my marriage is still valid or not.. he spoke these words " I swear by Holy Quran dat from now onwards there will never be a relationship of husband and wife between us" after saying dis within five mins he did say dat he takes his words back.
Also in the past and may be now also he enjoys relationships wid females.. whom he had promised to marry but never had the intention to do so. one of these females got familiar to me somehow by the will of ALLAH swt and i also realised that my husband has revealed our i.e. mine and my husband's bedroom secrets to dat female who was/is his girl friend.
Am draggin dis marriage just for the sake of it.. as i dont wanna see a life of a divorcee or never do i hav any intentions of marrying again and repeating my misktakes.
Can u please tell me if my marriage is still valid also i want to know whether it is worth it staying in dis relationship
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Statement of divorce like from husband
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Your Question: Can u please tell me if my marriage is still valid
If a husband, instead of saying the words ‘I divorce you’ which would constitute an established divorce were to say to his wife words to the effect ‘there is no relationship between you and me’ or ‘I swear by Holy Quran dat from now onwards there will never be a relationship of husband and wife between us"…..the husband will be asked what exactly he meant by the declaration; and if the husband intended and meant a declaration of divorce by those statements, then indeed it will be counted as one declaration of divorce.
Such declarations and pronouncements of the husband where he does not directly use the word ‘talaq’ or ‘divorce’ but says something which implies ‘divorce’ are known as ‘kinaya’ in Islamic Jurisprudence. In such situations where the husband has declared a ‘kinaya’ statement, the husband will be asked what exactly did he intend when he declared those statements…..if the husband did not intend to divorce his wife when he declared such statements, then no divorce will be established. But if the husband indeed intended a divorce by such a pronouncement, then indeed one divorce will be established in the marriage.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 229:
229 A divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should either hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness.
The first two divorce declarations in a marriage are revocable in Shariah; thus even if your husband meant divorce when he declared the ‘kinaya’ statement, he is well within his rights to revoke the divorce within the waiting period or ‘iddah’ of divorce which is three menstruation periods of the wife.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228:
228 Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves (iddah) for three monthly periods; nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah hath created in their wombs if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period if they wish for reconciliation.
Thus sister, even if your husband intended to give a divorce when he declared the ‘kinaya’ statement, and as you have related that he revoked his words five minutes later….rest absolutely assured that your marriage is absolutely valid and lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah.
Your Question: …..also i want to know whether it is worth it staying in dis relationship
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, as a believing and God-fearing wife of a husband who has transgressed the bounds of the Lord and committed ‘zina’, you have two lawful options in Islam:
Option-1: If you believe that your husband committed the evil of zina in ignorance, fears Allah and His Day of Accounting, and is sincerely ashamed and repentant for his abomination of a crime….and you can bring yourself to forgive him, it would be best to forgive him his sin and save your marriage.
Option-2: But if you see that your husband neither fears Allah nor the Day of Judgment, nor is he ashamed nor repentant for his heinous crime….and given half an opportunity he would indulge in the same transgression again; you are well within your rights in Islam and it would be best to initiate a divorce proceeding and separate yourself from such an evil and impious person.
But my beloved sister in Islam, as long as you are married to him, regardless of whether he fulfills his rights towards you or not….it is your duty as a believing and God-fearing woman to fulfill all your rights towards him in marriage. Even if it may seem that the unjust party might get away with his injustice and crime in the life of this world, rest assured that he will never ever get away with his oppression and his injustice in the Majestic Presence of the Lord Most High on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of Judgment.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,