As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Peace be with you! As Muslims, can we bring or put flowers in the grave of our dead every time we visit them? Do they know/feel/see that we are coming to visit them? Can we ask the assistance or mediation of the angel of mercy to visit our dead, comfort them and help us to ask forgiveness for the sins of our dead relatives and friends?Thank you for answering my query.

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Answer:

Ask assistance of angel to visit our dead

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: As Muslims, can we bring or put flowers in the grave of our dead every time we visit them?

Abdallah ibn Buraidah reported from his father that the Prophet (saws)  said: "I had forbidden you to visit graves,  but now you may visit them.  It will remind you of the Hereafter."

Related by Muslim, Ahmad, and the Sunan.

The wisdom behind the permissibility of visiting graveyards or the graves of one's loved ones is not to beautify the graves or make supplications for the dead, etc.; but rather so that one is reminded of their own inevitable appointment of death and the Hereafter. 

Aishah reported: "Umm Habibah and Umm Salamah mentioned to Allah's Messenger (saws) a church in which they saw drawings while in Abyssinia, whereupon he (saws) said: 'Those people used to build a place of worship over the grave of a righteous man among them when he died,  and make such drawings in it. These will be the worst of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection.''

Related by Bukhari and Muslim.

The scholars of Islam are unanimous in their opinion that the raising of the grave,  building domes over graves, building shrines  on graves, and erecting mosques in a graveyard is absolutely prohibited in Islam.  

Placing flowers on the graves is a custom and ritual of the pagans,  the idol-worshippers,  and the People of the Book, etc.;  and not a practice which befits the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day.

Your Question: Do they know/feel/see that we are coming to visit them?

Neither those who are alive have the power or the ability to make the deceased in their grave hear/see/feel what they wish for them to hear/see/feel; nor those who dead and buried in their graves have any power or ability to chose what they wish to hear/feel/see!!!!……Allah Subhanah, the Majestic and Supreme Lord of the Worlds Alone has the Power to make the deceased hear whatever He Alone Wills and Pleases for them to hear/feel/see.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 35 Surah Fatir verse 22:

22      Nor are alike those that are living and those that are dead.  Allah can make any that He wills to hear; but thou canst not make those to hear who are (buried) in graves.

In light of the above absolutely clear Guidance and Declaration of the Glorious Quran, it is evident that neither the living have the power or the ability to make the dead hear them, nor do the dead by themselves have the power or ability to hear those who are living!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 5.314         Narrated by Abu Talha

On the day of Badr, the Prophet (saws) ordered that the corpses of twenty four of the disbelievers amongst the Quraish leaders should be thrown into one of the dirty dry wells of Badr. It was a practice of the Prophet (saws) that whenever he conquered some people, he used to stay at the battle-field for three nights. So, on the third day of the battle of Badr, he (saws) ordered that his she-camel be saddled, then he (saws) set out, and his companions followed him saying among themselves." "Definitely he (i.e. the Prophet (saws)) is proceeding for some great purpose." When he halted at the edge of the well, he addressed the corpses of the Quraish infidels by their names and their fathers' names, "O so-and-so, son of so-and-so and O so-and-so, son of so-and-so! Would it have pleased you if you had obeyed Allah and His Messenger? We have found true what our Lord promised us. Have you too found true what your Lord promised you”  Hadrat 'Umar (r.a.) asked "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! You are speaking to bodies that have no souls!"  Allah's Messenger (saws) replied "By Him in Whose Hand Muhammad's (saws) soul is, you do not hear, what I say better than they do!" (Qatada (r.a.) the noble companion of the Prophet (saws) (later) said, "Allah brought them to life (again) to let them hear him, to reprimand them, and slight them, and take revenge over them, and caused them to feel remorseful and regretful.")

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 2.422         Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

The Prophet (saws) said, "When a human being is laid in his grave and his companions return and he even hears their foot steps, two Angels come to him and make him sit and ask him: 'What did you use to say about this man, Muhammad (saws)?' He will say: 'I testify that he is Allah's slave and His Messenger.'  Then it will be said to him, 'Look at your place in the Hell-Fire. Allah has given you a place in Paradise instead of it.'" The Prophet (saws) then added, "The dead person will see both his places.  But a disbeliever or a hypocrite will say to the Angels, 'I do not know, but I used to say what the people used to say!’  It will be said to him, 'Neither did you know nor did you take the guidance (by reciting the Quran).'  Then he will be hit with an iron hammer between his two ears, and he will cry and that cry will be heard by whatever approaches him except human beings and jinns."

In light of the above quoted authentic narrations related from the Messenger of Allah (saws), it is indeed true that the Messenger of Allah (saws) addressed the deceased disbelievers after the battle of Badr….and as the Lord Most Majestic would have Pleased and Willed, He made those deceased disbelievers in their graves hear and feel remorse and regret at the discourse of the Prophet (saws).

Your Question: Can we ask the assistance or mediation of the angel of mercy to visit our dead, comfort them and help us to ask forgiveness for the sins of our dead relatives and friends?

To ask, invoke, or seek the assistance of anyone other than Allah Subhanah Alone in the 'unseen' would be considered a manifest form and act of 'shirk' (polytheism) in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.  If one wishes to ask comfort or forgiveness for the sins of their deceased loved ones, one can and must directly invoke none save The Lord Most Gracious Most Merciful, for invoking even the noble angels or the deceased prophets of Allah Subhanah in the 'unseen' would be considered a manifest act of the unforgivable sin of 'shirk'!!!

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brothers and well wishers in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline